He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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