I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
