In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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