I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Randomize
