I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
