you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
