k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
