I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
