When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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