He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
