Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
