You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
