Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
