So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just high enough for therapy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
