I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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