K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
