Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
