i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
