taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
