return my video game
farters have to be the big spoon...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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