the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i came on her dog
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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