You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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