U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
