Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
