My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
