it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
