I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
