I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
