you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
