im about as happy as oj after his trial
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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