That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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