Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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