In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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