My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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