I cannot find my penis.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
