Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
