Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
