i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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