you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
