I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
