i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
