My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
