Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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