god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We need to rekindle our bromance
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
