I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
