remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
