I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
please come you make the beer taste better
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
