That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
