I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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