Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
