i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
