so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
