And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
