Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
