So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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