I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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