she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
