i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
